I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
