Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
