it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
