I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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