the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
