By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
