After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
