Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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