this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
