So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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