Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
