She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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