He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I booty called her while she was in labor.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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