I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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