i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
