I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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