My sheets look like a crime scene.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
