Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
