apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize