Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
