That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize