We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
