Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
