I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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