Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
