i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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