The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize