the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
