At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
