I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
false alarm, still single
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
