Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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