Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
