just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize