Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
