guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
