you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
