Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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