Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
