did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
