I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
