what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize