I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
