she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
there is glitter all over my balls
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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