finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize