oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize