I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
