it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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