I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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