it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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