I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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