awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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