Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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