i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
