I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
