living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
