There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
