can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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