the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
