you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am puke
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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