he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
