South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
