literally had 100 drinks last night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
