I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize