that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
