FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
