matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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