She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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