sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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