dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
