That's intense
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
