bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
