You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
