I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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